How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
