I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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