im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize