Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
