I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
