Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize