i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
