Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
