...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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