Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
