Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
