I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
