Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
whose parrot is this?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
