it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
