Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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