Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
