Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
