you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
