This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
