It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
