Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
