I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
