1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
