i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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