is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
