How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's just like the Real World with babies
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
