I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
