and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
