coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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