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Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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