oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
