I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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