last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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