btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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