I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
