why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
