If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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