I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Shame - the story of my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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