sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Text me some of your sweat
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
