our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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