So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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