Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
