i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
