Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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