Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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