So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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