Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize