Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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