the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
