God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
