I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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