Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize