His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
