Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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