I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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