Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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