all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
