laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
