maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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