Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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