Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
