margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
