If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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