u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
