how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
