She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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