Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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