haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
