Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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