what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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