best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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