there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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