So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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