I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
