I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
