Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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