I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gonna fight the coyote
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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