Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Be still, my beating vagina.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
