I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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