One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
