I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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