Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
