He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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