I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
