The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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