I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
