taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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