those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
