my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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