You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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