So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
