i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
