I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
