I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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