no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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