i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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