Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
