you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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