I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
