just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize