I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
