She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize