Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
