Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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