My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
