3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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