why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
